There are no magic words or phrases when it comes to communicating with families that have children with special needs, but there are some to avoid. And some words can even turn our day around for the better. The following four examples are things that have been said to me or other local parents.
‘Well, he seems pretty normal.”
I hate when people say that to me,’ states Kristyn Engelking, whose son is on the autism spectrum. People seem to think that this is a comforting thing to say, but it minimizes the challenges that go along with autism, or other types of diagnoses.
Unsolicited Advice or Suggestions
Well-meaning people often give unsolicited advice or suggestions. Diane Friend of Shasta County says of her daughter, “We’ve been told numerous times how she just needs to play outside more or needs a bigger yard, and she would be fine.”
If You Could Just …
I’ve also had my share of suggestions that involve the word “just,” and the bottom line is that if we could “just,” we would have already. Special needs parenting doesn’t come with a manual, so it can feel like we are trying to reinvent the wheel when we’re dealing with the issues our kids have. Making these suggestions is like implying that perhaps we haven’t worked hard enough to find solutions that will help our child when, in reality, we’ve lost sleep trying to figure it all out.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Sometimes actions speak louder than words when interacting with families of children with special needs. Emma Ramirez has three children with special needs. She explains, “What we find most often is nobody says anything to our daughter who has a genetic condition and is on the spectrum, but our son in a wheelchair gets a ton of ‘awws’ in public. Even if he’s having a hard time. And usually, the rest of our kids are ignored.” It’s important to acknowledge all the siblings, regardless of ability.
One of the best things you can say to the parent of a special needs child is to tell them that they are doing a good job. It may not sound like much, but it goes a long way. We spend countless hours wondering if we are doing the right things for our kids while juggling other aspects of our lives. Some days it feels as if we are barely treading water. In our worst moments, we feel like we are failing, and often kind words and a nonjudgmental ear is all we need.
Posted in: Uniquely Us
Comment Policy: All viewpoints are welcome, but comments should remain relevant. Personal attacks, profanity, and aggressive behavior are not allowed. No spam, advertising, or promoting of products/services. Please, only use your real name and limit the amount of links submitted in your comment.
You Might Also Like...
Sensory-Friendly Vacation Ideas
Summer vacation with the family is a chance to break away from the routine, explore new destinations and create lasting memories together. However, for parents of children with disabilities, especially […]
The Challenges of Finding After-School Care
As any parent of a child with special needs can attest, finding reliable, trustworthy childcare is difficult. It is even more so when it comes to searching for after-school care. […]
Here’s to a Peaceful Holiday Season! (Uniquely Us)
The holiday season is upon us! It’s a whirlwind of school activities, holiday parties, and crowded stores with long lines and loud noises. In all the hustle and bustle it’s […]
Integrity Document Services Makes The Conservatorship Process Easier for Families
For parents, experiencing their kids transitioning into adulthood comes with many emotions. For families of children with special needs, the experience is no less bittersweet but comes with its own […]