Parents get frustrated, even desperate when they cannot make their attachment-challenged teen be different (i.e. be good.) We can even get to the point where we don’t want to be around our traumatized child and have nothing positive to say.
I understand that; however, check out this comment, “I can’t accept him this way.” If you don’t accept your child the way he is, then that same child will not have a cheerleader to encourage positive movement forward. Our adolescents need to see their preciousness in our eyes, even when their behavior is ugly and unacceptable. That acceptance says they are lovable.
What if when you heard that snarky tone, processed those mean words and saw that offensive behavior, you gently requested a correction with compassion in your voice and soft loving eyes? That would mean you are being a loving parent.
Your child needs love when she or he is being the worst. Children of any age do bad things when they feel bad about themselves and those around them. Turn the tide by focusing on being love-in-action and simply correcting the offense with your heart intact.
Work seriously hard not to be a negative mirror. Instead, be a loving one. Your child, who is acting out of pain, needs the latter more. Commit to being love in action. n
Ce is the Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program found at LoveMattersParenting.com and AttachPlace.com.
Posted in: Parenting
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