Parents get frustrated, even desperate when they cannot make their attachment-challenged teen be different (i.e. be good.) We can even get to the point where we don’t want to be around our traumatized child and have nothing positive to say.
I understand that; however, check out this comment, “I can’t accept him this way.” If you don’t accept your child the way he is, then that same child will not have a cheerleader to encourage positive movement forward. Our adolescents need to see their preciousness in our eyes, even when their behavior is ugly and unacceptable. That acceptance says they are lovable.
What if when you heard that snarky tone, processed those mean words and saw that offensive behavior, you gently requested a correction with compassion in your voice and soft loving eyes? That would mean you are being a loving parent.
Your child needs love when she or he is being the worst. Children of any age do bad things when they feel bad about themselves and those around them. Turn the tide by focusing on being love-in-action and simply correcting the offense with your heart intact.
Work seriously hard not to be a negative mirror. Instead, be a loving one. Your child, who is acting out of pain, needs the latter more. Commit to being love in action. n
Ce is the Creator of the Love+ Parenting Model found in the Love Matters Parenting Society Therapeutic Parent Program found at LoveMattersParenting.com and AttachPlace.com.
Posted in: Parenting
Comment Policy: All viewpoints are welcome, but comments should remain relevant. Personal attacks, profanity, and aggressive behavior are not allowed. No spam, advertising, or promoting of products/services. Please, only use your real name and limit the amount of links submitted in your comment.
You Might Also Like...
Learning Beyond The Books: 5 Skills Smart Kids Need
Raising smart kids isn’t about “teaching to the test,” it’s about building brainpower. Kids who can seek information, connect ideas, and apply what they’ve learned aren’t just book-smart, they are […]
Helping Your Teens to Manage Money
Growing up, my first real job was waitressing at the lunch counter of our local Woolworth’s store in downtown Redding. At the age of 16, I was making an awesome […]
How Do I Get My Toddler to Stop Hitting?
Toddlers are little people with big feelings. Sometimes, the only way for those big feelings to come out is through their actions: hitting, kicking, biting, flopping, screaming. It’s not because […]
Teenage Heartbreak: How Parents Can Help Their Teen Get Over It
Being a teenager is not easy. Teenagers spend time trying to fit in, and worrying about the latest trends and gossip, not to mention keeping their grades up so their […]
