Page 42 - North State Parent September 2022

FAMILY LIFE & SUPPORT NORTH STATE PARENT FAMILY RESOURCE GUIDE FALL/WINTER 2022/2023
Becoming A Foster Parent - The Joys and Benefits
BY DEIRDRE LITTLEFIELD, Behavioral Health Partner mspcc.org
What Fostering Has Taught My Children
People are always intrigued when they find out that we bring foster children into our home. They are always polite but you can often sense something else. Friends and strangers ask a range of questions. They wonder about the children’s behavior, where they came from and how we can let them go.
Amazingly though, the number one question we get is, “Are you afraid of what they’ll teach your children?” I try to understand their thought process without insult but do feel judged as a parent and offended for all of the fantastic kids who have come into our home. These kids have taught my own children to be open, kind, generous and non judgmental. They have taught my children to be thankful for their warm home and beautiful yard. There are two moments that always stand out in my mind when I’m asked this question.
My 19-year-old college student was home for break so we had no space to bring in kids for that period of time. Four days before Christmas my son overheard me apologize to a worker saying that all of our beds are full. He immediately replied “Jesus Mom, I can sleep on the couch for a few days if it means that eight year old can have a holiday. Please give him my bed.”
My children get to learn the real meaning of life at their young age
The other standout moment is the day an eleven year old boy arrived without a jacket. We were heading to a cold rink so I let him wear one of my kids’. He said “ Wow, I’ve never gotten to wear a North Face before!” My nine year old and I shared a quiet glance. This little guy was excited just to have this jacket on his body. He spent the next ten days with us and was really such a great boy. The day he was leaving was a sad one. My nine year old son came out of his room and handed this boy the jacket to keep. The little boy’s streaming tears immediately turned into a smile. I know he was excited for a new jacket but
more important he knew he mattered. My son had shown him how special and worthy he was.
I am so thankful that my children get to learn the real meaning of life at their young age. I just hope they don’t teach those foster kids to swear while they’re here!
Adopting From Foster Care
Our youngest son is adopted from the foster care system. Everywhere we go people comment on his demeanor, as he is the most animated, vivacious child you could meet. I love telling people the basics of his story to raise awareness for all of the children waiting for a home. People are always shocked that such an awesome child came from foster care but I tell them there are many more just like him. Foster Care should not describe the child; he did not do anything wrong to get there.
First steps
The first step is to call your local office and make an inquiry. They will send a worker to your home to check physical standards such as space, safety precautions etc. Then you and your partner will be put into a training class that may vary with time and frequency, depending on where you live.
This class is so enlightening whether you have parented before or not. Parenting a foster child is not the same as parenting your biological child but is just as rewarding. You will become very close to your classmates as you dig deeper into each other’s experiences.
Be honest about your knowledge and limitations
Your social worker will likely learn more about you than your best friend does, including your personal and medical history. She will then write a home study on you so that other workers can understand who you are in order to match the child properly. You have the opportunity to say exactly who would fit well into your home — age, sex,
needs etc. It’s very important in this process to be honest with your knowledge level and limitations. These workers are so picky with “their” children because nobody wants this match to be disrupted. I waited for about a year and felt thankful it wasn’t their policy to just place any child with me but they were waiting for my perfect match. It really built a trust within me.
You have been trusted to keep them safe
After you are placed there will be a parade of people walking through your home, including court officers, social workers, early intervention workers and so on. It is an exciting but intimidating time. You have been trusted to take on somebody else’s child and keep them safe. There will likely be many doctor appointments as these children often come with higher than average medical needs. Visits with the biological family are mandated anywhere from a few times a week to monthly. They are safe at a supervision center or a local office. You may have the opportunity to meet the biological family or you can choose not to.
Everybody’s experience can be different
From there, everybody’s experience can be different. You can imagine with all the players involved that things can be unpredictable. It can be a very difficult time but also such an important process that somebody needs to take on.
There is support for each family from social workers, family liaisons and even other foster parents. We took our guy with a high legal risk. Policy states biological family first so we knew getting into this that their goal was to return him. It was scary but I will tell you that I lived each day to the fullest because of this policy. I was afraid to get attached but he needed attachment to thrive. I knew that whether I was his mother for a short time or forever I had to give him all I had. It was the most pure, unconditional love I have ever felt. The gift was mine. Ó
42 North State Parent Family Resource Guide Fall/Winter 2022/2023 • www.northstateparent.com