Page 17 - North State Parent June 2020

Anger Management Hacks for Parents
come on take a deep slow breath, inhale, hold it, and exhale it twice as long as you inhale. Do it a few times," she instructs. "Exhaling twice as long as you inhale is the fastest way to get the relaxation response, and it instantly soothes you."
Role model self-care
Adequate sleep, a nutritious diet and regular exercise will help you better manage stressful situations. "The reality is that as a mother, father or any kind of caregiver trying to grow up human beings, you are no good to them if you are lying on the ground gasping for air," Vanessa says.
Teach stress management
Invite your kids to join you in activities that help you manage stress to show them how to cool off when they're upset, angry or sad. For instance, "I'm going to do some yoga. That always helps me feel better. Want to try it?" or "I had a hard day and need to get some fresh air. Do you want to go for a walk with me?"
Also, show your kids how you calm yourself amid frustrating situations that you can't immediately exit from. For example, if you're stuck in traffic, turn on soft music, tell each other jokes or riddles, or play a game like "would you rath- er." Not only are you maintaining calm in the car, but you're also connecting with your family in a positive way despite external annoyances. "Our kids watch us, and they learn how to handle life by mirroring what we do," Borba explains. "Unless your child learns how to self-regulate, his empathy goes down. His stress builds and then he's in survival mode and can't feel for another person."
When you lose your cool
You lose it with your eight-year-old when you discover that he stuck chew- ing gum to his bedroom carpet for the third time. You blow up at a driver who cuts you off in traffic in front of your kids. You and your spouse get into a heat- ed debate at dinner. What now?
"Even if you didn't create the situation that led to the upset, to the melt- down, or the breakdown in the relationship, it's always the parent's job to fix it,” Vanessa says and offers this recipe for repair:
• Name what happened. "I got angry and yelled."
• Apologize. "We are okay."
• Talk about a future point of connection to close the loop. "I'm looking for-
ward to going fishing with you this weekend."
"If you don't close the communication circle, and you haven't landed fully on the apology—the 'we are okay' part—and moving on with other things in life, kids will come up with their own catastrophic end," Vanessa says. For ex- ample, a child might think, "Mom doesn't love me anymore." By acknowledging the situation and doing the necessary repair work, our kids learn how to man- age inevitable conflict in their own relationships.
In the case of the driving incident, apologize afterward and explain your reaction to your kids, "Wow, I'm sorry I yelled! That guy really scared me. I thought we were going to get hit!" Chances are they'll do that back to you, "I'm sorry I yelled at you, Mom. I got a bad grade on my science test, and that's why I blew up."
Need help? Unmanaged anger can seriously affect your health and rela- tionships. Talk to your doctor if you need help. If you don't get help, Michele warns, your kids may begin to believe that they're somehow responsible for your anger, which can negatively affect their health, their level of empathy and their overall resilience.
"There are no take-backs when it comes to parenting," Michele says. "Kids can't interpret your anger, and so they hold it in, and it can become deadly to your relationship and their self-esteem." Ó
Christa Melnyk Hines is a nationally published freelance writer. She is the mom of two teenage sons.
Summer Safety
Summertime in the North State brings a lot of fun outdoor play! Whether you’re playing at the lake or a swimming pool, there are some basic safety things you can do to
help keep your child safe as temperatures rise.
First, actively watching is the best method of protection when it comes to water play. Eliminate distractions, including cell phone use, and do not step away for any reason. Designate a “Water Watcher” to maintain constant watch over children in the pool during gatherings, so children have eyes on them at all times. Be sure to you know the basics of CPR and first aid in the event of a water emergency.
If your child is new to swimming or needs a little extra support in the water, be sure to gear him/her up with a flotation device. Choose a life jacket that matches your child’s current weight, has a secure fit and offers good flotation. Read up on approved devices from the Life Jacket Association (www.lifejacketassociation.org/life-jackets/ childrens-life-jackets/selecting-your-childs-life-jacket/).
When it comes to boating, set clear rules and boundaries. Always remind children to keep their hands and feet inside the boat and don’t let them swim near the boat or while the motor is running. Make sure they always have on their life jacket! Parents can set a good example by modeling these things for their children. Children tend to follow their parents lead!
When you’re heading outside, remember to protect your child’s skin with sunscreen (SPF-30 or higher). Bring plenty of water and offer it to your child frequently to stay hydrated. Try giving your child a special cup or put fresh berries in it to encourage them to drink water. Have a safe, fun summer!
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