Tips to Help Children Face Their Fears

It’s normal for children to have fears. They may have bad dreams, be frightened of the dark or find a movie scene scary. However, children can develop fears that interrupt their everyday life, such as a fear of speaking in front of others, fear of being dropped off at school or fear of trying new things. Here are some tips to help children face and overcome their fears.

Give permission to feel afraid, be honest

Parents can let children know that it is perfectly normal and acceptable to be scared. When you give a child permission to feel afraid, they can begin to acknowledge what is frightening them and face it head-on.

Parents can provide tips on how to deal with different situations and work through each situation together. Lauren Heller, a mother of twins, says, “For my preschoolers, we spend time talking about the event starting a few days before. I try to help them know what to expect and allow them to ask questions.”

If there is a potential stressful event soon, it is best to be as honest as possible with your child, so they know what to expect. “I try my best to prepare my kids in advance for scary situations. If there is a medical procedure coming up, I tell them what is going to happen. I never say it won’t hurt if it really will,” says Fia Swartwood, mom of two. “My honesty has helped my kids through lots of situations.”

In the short-term, half-truths or sugar-coating might help your child before a scary situation, but the trust that you build through honesty helps children in the long-term.

Telling your child it is perfectly normal and acceptable to be scared gives them permission to feel afraid and acknowledge what is frightening them.

Some fears have easy solutions

Try to pinpoint what exactly your child is afraid of and discuss ways to handle her fear best. Jane Hammond’s nine-year-old daughter was fearful of falling during an ice-skating competition. Together, they discussed what would be the result of her falling and decided the answer was simply get back up, no big deal. “She did fall once in a competition, then got back up and finished. She was glad for the experience!” says Jane.

Other problems may have easy solutions that kids can’t always think of on their own. For instance, if your child is afraid of the dark, using a night light may help solve the problem.

Each time your child is afraid, offer a wide variety of options that can be used to overcome fears. A child may be able to calm down by singing a song, hugging a stuffed animal, telling a joke or declaring that monsters aren’t real.

“Parents can help their children by identifying what fear feels like in their bodies and normalize these sensations,” says Erin Stidham, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and clinical director of Creekside Counseling in Redding. “Then parents can help their children find healthy ways to soothe those sensations and ease some of the fear. Music, movement, rhythm, breathing exercises and distractions are just a few quick ideas.”

Giving your child the tools they need to face their fears while also reassuring them you are always there to help allows them to try to handle fear on their own knowing that you have their back if it doesn’t work out.

Stephanie Loux, mom of three, says, “I also keep the wins in my back pocket to remind them of past successes. It encourages them to try new things because they remember how well it worked out in the past.” This technique works great for scary situations such as trying a roller coaster, speaking in front of a crowd or trying a new extracurricular activity.

Reward your child’s bravery

As you watch your child overcome fears or at least make efforts to face the things that scare them, reward them for their bravery. Giving positive feedback and acknowledging their efforts will encourage your child to keep trying to confront the things that cause them fear and anxiety. A parent’s praise can build a child’s confidence in preparing them to face a variety of challenges.

As you work these steps with your child, continue to be patient and supportive. “When our children are scared, we let them know Mommy and Daddy are bigger and tougher than anything scary. And we will always protect them,” says Amy Cameron, mother of three. “We have defeated monsters in the dark by reassuring them that as parents, we make the rules and there are no monsters allowed in our house.”

It is normal to have fears and it is appropriate to explain this to your child. As scary situations arise, encourage your children to share their feelings with you so that you can deal with them together.

Books to Help Children Face Their Fears

• Scaredies Away! A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Worry and Anxiety (Made Simple) by Stacy Fiorile
• Chicken Lilyby Lori Mortensen
• Bear Feels Scared by Karma Wilson
• There’s an Alligator Under My Bedby Mercer Mayer
• First Day Jittersby Julie Danneburg
• The Monster at the End of this Bookby Jon Stone
• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst
• The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anythingby Linda D. Williams
• Curious George Goes to the Hospitalby H. A. Rey
• The Lion Insideby Rachel Bright