Charity Begins at Home: Encouraging A Giving Spirit in Children

We live in the age of selfies, where bullying is on the rise and civility is on the decline. Not-so-subtle societal messages tell us that our worth is defined by material possessions or by approval from social media “friends,” some of whom we barely know. In such a hands-off environment, it is easy to retreat from others or to believe that we are the center of our own worlds.

Ironically, experts tell us that the acceptance and achievement we crave can come from focusing on others. Since empathy is a strong predictor of future success, our children may be better off cultivating a giving spirit instead of chasing recognition or developing an individual “brand.”

Michele Borba, who wrote Unselfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed In Our All-About-Me-World, says “the ability to empathize affects our kids’ future health, wealth, authentic happiness, relationship satisfaction and the ability to bounce back from adversity.”

The good news is that teaching children to identify with causes larger than themselves isn’t difficult. Even better, serving others as a family can create the meaningful togetherness we all crave.

Children are born to Care

Children are hard-wired with the spirit of giving. That’s apparent in the toddler who weeps at the sight of an upset playmate, the preschooler who offers his teddy bear to a sick sibling or the school-aged child who grabs a sponge when mom is washing the car. Yet, as they grow, children receive society’s clear message that it’s sometimes unsafe or unwise to care.

Fortunately, families have the power to foster empathy. Research indicates that caregivers who openly express warmth and compassion tend to raise more kind-hearted children. This process begins at birth and is intuitive. Routinely giving a patient and consistent response to an infant’s cries or a toddler’s skinned knee tells that child that helping others is important. Once a child is secure that the world is a safe and loving place, it’s easier for them to develop empathy.

Experts say that the first opportunity for a child to help others is in his own home. Therefore, some recommend assigning household responsibility. “Children need jobs,” says popular author and pediatrician Dr. William Sears. “Once a child learns a sense of responsibility for the household, a sense of responsibility to society will come naturally in the next stage of development.”

Kids who help others help themselves

Children who reach out to others often gain more than they give. They experience a boost in well-being, self-worth and optimism. Helping others becomes a shield against temptation and stress. When kids know it feels good to do the right thing, it’s easier to say no to the wrong things. Grounded in kindness, they don’t need to look for validation in material possessions or risky choices.

Volunteering as a family creates quality time. Away from screens and distractions, families discover new ways to connect and appreciate one another. Research shows that children who volunteer with their families are twice as likely to continue volunteering as adults, who then pass the tradition on to their own children.

Mary Thoele, author of Family Serve: Volunteer Opportunities for Families, says that “volunteering is one of the loudest actions you can take to show children what it truly means to be a contributing member of a community. By role-modeling this type of behavior, caregivers are beginning a tradition of compassion that can be passed on from one generation to the next.”

Even the busiest families can fold giving into their schedules

Fostering a giving spirit doesn’t require huge amounts of time or money. Jenny Friedman, the author of The Busy Family’s Guide To Volunteering: Doing Good Together, says that finding time to help others is easier than you may think. She says that the key is to take a careful look at your current activities and then find ways to incorporate volunteering into those events.

For example, families who already enjoy crafts can make get-well cards or toys. Supplies for a neighbor in need can be gathered while doing your own errands. Families who are animal lovers may enjoy fostering an animal for deployed military.

Experts suggest starting small, with a one-time/no further obligation commitment. If all family members enjoy the experience and want to repeat it, consider adding on. But always be conscious of overcommitting. Studies show that when giving feels overwhelming or obligatory, the potential benefits are lost. It’s much easier (and more comfortable) to increase your commitment when you have more time than to cut back and feel guilty because you’ve taken on too much.

Teaching children to care and to offer their time and their talents to others is a win-win situation. Developing a child’s innate giving spirit helps them find purpose and satisfaction. It is the gift that keeps giving because empathy tends to be passed down. Compassion, then, becomes a legacy – one that can thrive in your family for generations.

Optional Sidebar:

Charitable Ideas for Busy Families

Creating For Others

Kids usually enjoy crafts and many organizations are seeking families to provide handwritten letters, heartfelt drawings and get-well cards. Most even offer easy step-by-step instructions. Typically, families complete the items and mail them to the organization, which in turn distributes them where they are most needed. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

1. Make A Hospitalized Child Smile:CFHK (Cards For Hospitalized Kids) allows families to make handmade cards for distribution to kids currently in the hospital. Over 500,000 children have received cards from all over the world. Although families can use their own creativity to make the cards, the CFHK site offers many helpful suggestions. cardsforhospitalizedkids.com.

2. Provide Comfort to Children Facing Challenges: Project Linusprovides handmade blankets to children who are ill, traumatized or who need the security of a comfort item. They offer no-sew patterns that are quick to make. Although adults may need to cut the fabric, kids of all ages can help by tying the edges. projectlinus.org.

3. Offer Encouragement to Our Military And First Responders:Organizations like Operation Gratitude encourage families to send cards, drawings and letters to the military, veterans and first responders. The cards are added to care packages. Many recipients say that handwritten items are the most cherished part of the package. Check out operationgratitude.com/express-your-thanks/write-letters for more information.

Help A Family, Child or Pet

Your family might consider sponsoring a less fortunate family, child or animal during the holidays, in emergencies or year-round.

1. Adopt A Family:The Box Project matches sponsor families to families in need. Families regularly mail household and school supplies, clothing or other needed items. Visit theboxproject.org for more information.

2. Sponsor A Child:Many organizations, like children.org can match sponsor families with a child in poverty. Families provide monetary support, school supplies and letters.

3. Foster A Pet for Someone Deployed or Hospitalized:Organizations like Pact For Families (pactforanimals.org) and Dogs On Deployment (dogsondeployment.org) match up foster families to care for dogs whose owner is deployed or hospitalized.