Kids Waiting to Be Adopted Don’t Need Superheroes

The first time my parents decided to adopt was on a beach. A friend was telling them about a little boy she works with that no one wants. Without missing a beat my mom said, “We’ll take him.” And they did.

Sure, there were things to do, classes to take, visits and paperwork (so much paperwork). But the first step was what mattered most. They were willing. They were willing to open their hearts wider and do more of what they do best: love.

My parents have adopted five kids over the last 12 years, and not all the adoptions have been easy. There were social work visits and court dates, waiting for parental right termination and ensuring everything was ready. It took work and time.

My mom and dad are parents. That’s what they do. They parent. In addition to parenting two biological children, they have adopted and parented five kids with special needs. I could give you the list of diagnoses, but it really doesn’t matter. Their needs mean more appointments, more accommodations and more sleepless nights. But those things are no different than if you birth a baby with special needs.

Just Loving Parents

When people see what they do daily, they look at my parents like a living museum exhibit, claiming they are amazing. In many ways they are. Adoption is not what made them amazing; good parenting and loving completely is what makes them amazing.

They will be the first to tell you they are not anything special. They are ordinary just like you and me. They just love big. They treat each of my brothers and sisters like me and my other brother who were born of my mother’s womb. They are not superheroes, they are just parents, walking through life, loving big and full on the easy days and the hard days. It sounds so simple, but we all know parenthood is anything but simple.

Everyday people

It’s easy to keep the idea of adoption on a pedestal, to think it is reserved for people with special skills. Adoption is special but it is not unreachable. It takes real, everyday people.

In California alone, there are over 15,000 children who are waiting to be adopted. Nationally there are over 400,000 kids in foster care with over 100,000 of those kids ready to be adopted. Every one of these kids needs someone who will say yes.

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, with the Sunday before Thanksgiving providing a special day to highlight the importance of adoption. With approximately 1 in 50 kids in the United States is adopted and 6 in 10 people having a personal experience with adoption in their family or social circle it is clear that adoption is not just for a small group of people with a superhuman skillset.

Adoption is special. It is beautiful and hard and will require more of you than you know, but it can also be rewarding in life-changing ways. “Our adoption story is one of the greatest journey’s our family has shared together,” says Julie Gonzales, owner of Chico Creek Dance and an adoptive parent. “Our daughter has brought joy and laughter to so many people. She has shown compassion and empathy when so many others needed to feel loved and valued as well. She has not only blessed our lives tremendously but all those she encounters.”

Help and support for adoptive families

“Adoptive families, especially those who adopt children from foster care, often need extra support”, says Haley Bagnaschi M.A., LMFT, Executive Director of Kindred Hearts Inc. in Redding. “Post-adoption services are a necessary and vital support to families raising children with often serious and sometimes unsafe issues. With support programs, parents are able to remain committed and effective as they raise their children with exceptional needs.”  Kindred Hearts provides support services to adoptive families in Shasta and surrounding counties. Their goals are to keep families together and to ensure children’s success by providing adoption support and services, including a 24/7 peer support line, monthly support groups for parents and teens, social skills groups for tweens and teens, therapy services, respite events, parent training, family events, wraparound services and more. kindredheartsprogram.com

Other Ways to Make a Difference

Maybe you don’t feel like adopting is part of your parenting journey. But it is part of our world and we can still make a difference. We can learn how to help families connected to adoption, we can take away the stigmas of adoption in the way we interact and talk about it. We can choose not to distance ourselves from what seems different and remember that adoption is simply parenting.

Kids waiting to be adopted don’t need superheroes. They need people willing to say yes. People who are willing to open their heart and their home to love and parent well. This month may we all think about how we can directly help the children waiting for someone to say yes.