Page 56 - North State Parent Family Resource Guide Fall/Winter 20/21

HEALTH NORTH STATE PARENT FAMILY RESOURCE GUIDE FALL/WINTER 2020/2021
No matter how well you explain the pandemic to your child they may continue to have questions.
Talking to Your Kids About the Pandemic
BY TANNI HAAS, PH.D.
The pandemic has now been with us for several months, and no one knows when it will pass. How can parents talk to their kids about it in a way that’s realistic and helpful but doesn’t make them worry? Here’s what the experts say.
Find out what they know and what they want to know
Start the conversation by asking them, as child psychologists Dr. Felicity Sapp and Dr. Daniel Chorney, put it, “what they know, what their worries are, and what they want to know.”
This dialogue will help you to clear up any misunderstandings. There are lots of false rumors circulating, especially on social media. You can address topics that concern them the most. Some kids worry about what could happen to them while other children are more anxious about their family and friends. Assess how much information they can handle. Some kids find comfort in knowing as much as possible, and others prefer to know just what’s necessary.
What makes the most sense for your child?
“Our challenge, as parents,” say child psychiatrists Dr. Karestan Koenen and Dr. Archana Basu, “is to consider all
the information and then ask ourselves what makes the most sense for my child?” Dr. Adam Weiss, a pediatrician, agrees, saying, “The goal is to provide enough detail, so they understand the situation and how to stay safe, but not cause them fear, confusion, or anxiety.”
Expect them to ask a lot of questions
No matter how well you explain the pandemic, your kids are likely to have a lot of questions. When kids ask the same questions repeatedly, it’s rarely because they don’t understand something, but rather because they’re worried.
“Asking the same question over and over,” explains child psychiatrist Dr. Davis Fassler, “can be a way for a child to ask for reassurance.” If your kids keep asking why it’s essential that they wash their hands with soap every time they’ve been outside, they are likely concerned with whether they’re washing their hands well enough to protect them from the virus, not because they don’t know the answer.
Acknowledge uncertainty
Answer your kids’ questions and address their worries, but also acknowledge when they ask something for which you don’t have an answer. “Given how much
uncertainty there is,” Rachel Ehmke of the Child Mind Institute says, “try to be comfortable saying ‘I don’t know.’ Teaching children how to tolerate uncertainty is key to reducing anxiety and helping them build resilience.”
Offer reassurance, not pressure
You can’t promise your children that the pandemic will be over soon, but you can help empower them by talking about what they can do, in their small way, to fight it. As Dr. Jamie Howard, a child psychologist, puts it, “Kids feel empowered when they know what to do to keep themselves safe.” Staying safe includes wearing a face mask when they’re out in public, following social distancing guidelines and avoiding touching their face or shaking hands.
Don’t put too much pressure on your kids. Reassure them that many smart adults, like public health experts and science researchers, are working hard to fight the pandemic and develop a vaccine. “When you reassure children that the adults are managing the situation,” says Dr. Jamie Aten, a child psychologist, “you give them permission to be kids.”
56 North State Parent Family Resource Guide Fall/Winter 2020/2021 • www.northstateparent.com