Page 10 - Family Resource Guide Spring/Summer 2025

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From One Dad to Another: The Power of Showing Up
BY TOMMY MATTERA, LFMT
A f ew weeks after my son was born in December 2021, I sat in the darkness, gently rocking him to sleep. His tiny fingers wrapped around
mine and I felt the profound weight—not just of his small body, but of the immense responsibility and privilege of fatherhood. In those quiet moments, vulnerability crept in. Am I doing enough? Am I the father he truly needs?
Redefining fatherhood
These are questions with which many fathers silently wrestle. Society often defines fatherhood through traditional lenses of providing, protecting and problem-solving. But what about simply being present? As a therapist, I’ve witnessed the transformative power of genuine presence. It’s not about making our children’s lives easier by doing things for them, but about making their lives deeper by doing things with them.
This approach isn’t effortless. Modern life brims with distractions—looming work deadlines, endless to- do lists, the siren call of digital screens when exhaustion
sets in. Yet, the moments we choose to lean in, instead of checking out, are the ones that become cherished memories.
Sharing in your child’s struggles
I recall a day when my son struggled to stack blocks, frustration mounting with each tumbling tower. Tears welled in his eyes and my instinct was to swoop in and solve the problem. Instead, I sat beside him. “This is tricky,” I acknowledged. “Want to keep trying together?” We didn’t construct an architectural marvel, but we built something far more significant—a moment of genuine connection.
When we engage with our children rather than for them, we teach profound life lessons: resilience, patience and the comforting knowledge that they are not alone. These shared struggles, these shoulder-to- shoulder moments, are where true magic unfolds.
Fatherhood isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. Your children won’t reminisce about your
salary or car model. They’ll treasure the bedtime stories, Saturday morning pancake adventures and the times you stepped into their world.
So, fellow dad, here’s my challenge: Today, show up differently. Don’t just fix or solve—sit beside, guide and navigate challenges together. In these seemingly ordinary moments, the extraordinary takes root.
And trust me, they’ll remember. Ó
Tommy Mattera, LMFT, is a therapist specializing in men’s mental health, working with men of all ages as they navigate relationships, identity and personal growth. While he works with all men, he has a special passion for helping fathers show up for their families with confidence and clarity. As a father
to Owen and Rosemary, he understands firsthand both the joys and struggles of parenting. Through his private practice, he helps men build stronger connections with themselves, their loved ones and their communities. Learn more at tommymatteramft.com.
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