Special Needs Parenting
The Perfect Storm of Puberty
Special needs parenting is often like an unpredictable weather pattern, and there has been a storm brewing in our home for months. Shortly before our daughter became a teenager in September, signs of puberty started to appear. We’re not complete novices; we’ve already experienced a few years of it with our 15-year-old son. Now we have a 13-year-old girl in the throes of puberty—a 13-year-old girl who also happens to have autism, intellectual disability, and a communication disorder.
With our son, puberty has been an onslaught of eye-rolling, attitude, and taking as many showers a day as he can get away with taking. With Lilly, we also get eye-rolls, but there has also been a frightening increase in explosive behaviors. While her brother can express his angst with flippant remarks, Lilly doesn’t have that capability. Her annoyance and frustration come in the form of physical aggression.
I’ve lost count of the number of days I’ve had to pick her up from school this year because of her outbursts. She has been having severe meltdowns routinely for most of her life, and she has always had a revolving door of triggers. Now things that never bothered her before are setting her off, and it’s hard to contain an 80-pound teen when she’s in a rage. Gone are the days when I could pick her up and throw her over my shoulder to make a quick exit in a public place if she started melting down.
Her body is also starting to change, and modesty is still a foreign concept to her. When she’s upset, her clothes will come flying off no matter where she is. She also has no sense of stranger danger, despite lots of discussions over the years both at school and at home. Between her vulnerability and volatility, it’s impossible not to worry about her safety no matter where she is.
There are many days when we enjoy calm seas and days filled with sunshine. And so far, the good days have outnumbered the bad, but the bad days can be a hurricane of hormones, frustration, and anxiety. These are the days when I feel like we’re clinging to the helm of a boat, looking for any port in the storm.
If you know a parent of a teenager with special needs, send a few extra words of encouragement their way—it will be greatly appreciated! If you are the parent of a teenager with special needs, know that you are not weathering these years alone!
Posted in: Uniquely Us
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