“Why Doesn’t My Teen Want to Spend Time With Me Anymore?” – Tips For Parents From One Teen

Watering it down to a simple answer to that question doesn’t help parents communicate or improve their relationship with their child. It’s not about the parent and how they’ve suddenly become a side character in their teen’s life. Don’t take it personally. Instead, consider how your teen is feeling. Unfortunately, relationships often are the most unstable portion of a teen’s life. Each person has a unique reason for withdrawing from their parents.

From my perspective, growing up meant gaining new responsibilities and privileges. I worked evenings at the cinema while my mom worked the early shift. I began driving myself places and bought everyday items. It was empowering as I realized I relied heavily on myself instead of my parents.

Chloe Sneed has some tips for parents and teens to enjoy the “little moments” spending time together. Photo by Amber Thompson.

Interests and schedules are changing

Their position in my life shifted to the background, especially with college approaching. I wanted to explore my life as an adult in preparation for the day I’d actually be one. Parents need to understand that it’s not always intentional. Sometimes, this has nothing to do with conflicting schedules. Our lives are constantly evolving and we’re expected to keep up. Our interests change as we explore different hobbies. Often, our parents don’t notice that what we used to love isn’t the center of our universe anymore. There’s no shame in asking. The biggest tip I can give is listen with an open mind. We deal with enough judgment from our peers, we don’t need it from our parents.

Find a mutual activity and take advantage of little moments

A dilemma parents face is trying to find a mutual activity that interests their teen. You don’t always have to dedicate an entire day in order to spend time together, which can feel intimidating and overwhelming. It’s important to take advantage of the little moments, and following are a few suggestions.

Coffee shop chats

This is a great place to start because conversations already flow through the people around you. The buzzing chatter creates an atmosphere that inspires small talk, because communication starts with baby steps. And who doesn’t love a warm drink and pastry?

Casual walks

If the weather permits, a stroll through grassy fields and green forests is a great excuse to spend time together.

Grocery shopping

This presents an easy way to figure out their favorite snacks and food, which shows them you’re still interested in what they eat in a subtle, yet caring way.

Do the dishes together

Ask about their day. (I have no ulterior motives for helping teens get out of chores. None at all.)

Arts and crafts

Even if no conversation happens, quiet quality time with your teen creates a soothing environment that they associate with you.

Movie time

By talking about the movie afterwards, you can get a greater understanding of the genres they like and by listening to their opinions without judgement, you let them know they are important.  It’s the little things.

Compare music taste on a car ride

Make a playlist with both of your music favorites and play it when you drive across town or take a road trip. The key to this one is zero judgment; these are songs they really like and discrediting their interest in them won’t make them want to spend time with you.

Visit former houses and reminisce

Drive by the houses where you used to live. Share the good memories you have and let them share their own. This is perfect to do when your teen is getting ready to leave for college or go out on their own.

Book club

If you both enjoy reading, you can bond over discussing the book together. This book club can just be the two of you or a bigger group, but make sure you choose a book that you both enjoy. Go out of your comfort zone by letting them take the lead.

Dye your hair together

Don’t worry, color washes out! A mutual change can be healthy for both of you, even if it’s just appearances.

Play hooky together

School and work take up a lot of the time you could be spending with those around you. Every once in a while, designate a day where you can do something together such as museums, restaurants, and shopping centers.

Check your bucket list

Hit up that hidden treasure in your area and make it a place you’ve always wanted to visit.  The place on your list that you’ve been neglecting. Shasta Caverns near Redding, CA is one possibility.

I want you to know every endeavor to reconnect with your child is acknowledged, even if it feels disheartening sometimes. It might not work on the first try, but the effort alone helps. Make sure to be understanding and patient. It’s not about spending every second together to reconnect; it’s about spending genuine quality time together. As the saying goes, “Quality over quantity.”