Make Friends Like Your Life Depends On It

What if life depended on our relationships? Close positive relationships improve the quality of our lives, our physical and emotional health. These relationships promote healing and allow us to thrive. According to a 2020 study published in the American Journal of Psychiatry, people who have friends and close confidants are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression. Studies show they’re also less likely to die from all causes, including heart problems and a range of chronic diseases.

Our lives depend on having quality relationships, friendships and family connections

“When people are low in social connection—because of isolation, loneliness, or poor-quality relationships—they face an increased risk of premature death,” says Julianne Holt-Lunstad, PhD, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Brigham Young University who studies how relationships affect the body and brain.

We need people and we need time to relate to people. These relationships improve the quality of our lives, including our physical, mental and emotional health. Quality time with friends eases the impact of burnout and with stronger support systems we recover more quickly when we experience trouble. It empowers us, allowing us to experience greater joy and success.

Make sure that we have time for connectedness

Do we have people we feel we can count on? Or are most of our “friends” people with whom we share recipes and reels, or banter with on social media? How many close friends can you confide in, ask for emotional support and are able to spare that time for you? How many friends are you able to do the same for? When and how do you get to connect with your close friends? Are you able to make the time to spend with those you feel close to and continue to nurture those relationships to keep them, and you, healthy?

Many moms juggle time between work, children, family, housework and additional responsibilities. Some may have a partner who shares in the struggle while others do not. The time and energy expended in these areas creates its own rewards but also comes with significant stressors. Time can become a limited commodity, including time for friendships. The consequence of limited time for close relationships and friendships is that moms may find themselves depleted, suffering physically and experiencing burnout.

Quality over quantity leads to stronger friendship bonds

Although the number of friends a woman in the U.S. has varies by definition, age and individual, a 2023 Pew Research Center study found that 55% of women have between one and four close friends, with 36% having five or more close friend. Yet the number seems less significant than the importance of the quality of the relationships. Every human being needs the strong healthy bonds that come with close, trusting relationships.

As parents, we want our kids to be happy and we are keenly aware that our children need to make friends through social activities, school and, for some, through church. We know these bonds will help them thrive. We encourage these relationships for our children but often forget or neglect to do the same for ourselves. How do we go about making sure we build those close friendships? Maybe the same way we encourage them for our children; through work, church and social activities or with parents of children who are involved in the same activities as our children. Or perhaps, we feel deeply connected with extended family members.

Like our kids, we need time with our friends; we need to find the time to spend with the people to whom we feel close and with whom we develop a fondness and trust. We need to set aside time to participate in activities with them, to find peace, or reset, relax or just have fun.

Support systems for life’s ups and downs

Life is full of ups and downs. When life is up, we may not feel like we need much help, but it strengthens our joy to share our happiness with friends. It’s when we are struggling that we need a support system the most. What happens when your partner is ill and you need someone else to lean on for that additional support? Who would you talk to? Although seeking the help of a therapist can be very beneficial, as a therapist I often encourage and work with clients to identify their support system outside of therapy. Everyone needs to feel loved and accepted.

I frequently remind people that according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs we need to feel like we belong, we need to feel loved, to have close family and friends. It was once believed that we could only address these needs after addressing basic survival needs and then safety and security before addressing needs related to belonging.

Society has evolved to the point that we may now address needs simultaneously and recognize that these needs are of equal importance to our well-being. The people that care about us and we care about, make our lives complete, they build us up, help us through our struggles and encourage us to be our best selves. They help us find joy and hope, reduce our stress and improve our mental wellbeing by lifting us up, offering us a shoulder and encouraging us.

Erin Stidham is a local mother of a teenager and two young adults and is a therapist at Creekside Counseling Center. She feels that serving her community and helping people as they heal is an honor and privilege.