Science Says Fathers Need to Step Up to Increase Children’s Wellbeing

Dads are playing a greater role than ever before in raising their children and being a “stay-at-home dad” is no longer as frowned upon as it was only a few years back. Research says that fathers are spending much more time doing childcare activities than they did 50 years ago. Dads are doing more, but they are still spending less time with their kids than moms.

Everyone benefits when dads are actively involved in their children’s lives. Several research studies have shown that when dads spend more quality time with their children, everyone wins: moms and dads are happier, kids thrive, and family relationships are strengthened.

One study found that fathers who spent more time with their kids felt more confident as parents and more satisfied at work. But the benefits are even greater for children. A recent study found that children whose dads were more involved in their lives had greater self-control.  The researchers found that when dads played with their children in the first years of life, there were lower risks of problem behavior as they kids grew older, and these kids were also better at managing difficult emotions.

The study initially sought to understand whether dads and moms played differently with their children, and how this play affected their development. They reviewed 78 scientific papers that focused on the frequency and nature of father-child play from birth to three years.

The study found that engaging in playing interactions had a positive impact on children’s social, emotional and cognitive outcomes. It also found that fathers primarily engaged in physical play and that this provided a safe environment in which children could practice their self-regulation skills. These children were better at controlling their behavior and their emotions as they grew older, because they had already practiced these skills through play.

All the available studies show that entire families benefits when both parents are actively engaged in childcare activities. While there are still many external factors that affect the amount of time moms and dads get to spend with their kids, here are three things that can help.

The whole family benefits when dads are more active in their children’s lives. Photo by Kimberly Parodi

Break down all childcare needs.

A recent study found that although all parents find childcare meaningful, moms are less happy and more stressed than dads. The researchers suggest that it all comes down to how caregiving tasks are divided between parents. While the study was unable to explain why dads were happier parents, they found that most moms handled activities that tended to produce more stress, and they were also more likely to perform “solo parenting”, meaning parenting without the presence of the other partner.

The study analyzed different dimensions of childcare such as the type of activities in which parents engaged, their participation in educational activities such as homework, and which parent handled the managerial aspects of parenting such as transporting children or planning visits. The researchers were also interested in other dimensions such as when and where activities took place, their duration, how much care was involved, and the other parties present during these activities.

Breaking down childcare activities can help each partner become more aware of what needs to be done and make it easier to choose the activities that correspond to each one’s availability. It is also an easy way to ensure that dads get to spend more time with their kids and to make parenting more rewarding for moms.

Being conscious about the activities required and being willing to split responsibilities is often a game changer for many parents. After all, co-parenting is supposed to be about helping and supporting each other.

Be willing to drop the ball.

In her book Drop the ball, Tiffany Dufu says that she was raised in a way that made it difficult for her to trust others, especially her husband, to undertake household chores. This led to feelings of stress, resentment and overwhelm.

Several studies suggest that like Tiffany, many mothers suffer from maternal exhaustion because they refuse to ask for and accept help from dads, either because they have been led to believe that doing everything in their homes is somehow linked to their worth, or because they believe than they alone can do things “how they are supposed to be done”.

But here’s the truth for moms:  Your entire family will be happier when you stop trying to juggle too many balls. Ask for and accept help, trust dad to do a good enough job even if you would have done things differently, and never forget that you’re in a partnership.

Let everyone do their thing.

In the study cited above, the researchers found that activities affected parents in different ways. In other words, while some parents enjoyed educational activities such as supervising homework, taking part in school events or meeting with teachers, others found the managerial aspects of parenting such as handling extracurricular activities less stressful.

Similarly, the researchers in the second study cited found that dads and moms did not play with kids in the same way, and that dads tended to enjoy and engage in more physical and boisterous play (tickling, chasing, piggy-back rides, and so on).

An important finding of the research study was the fact that dads proposed a different type of play from that often privileged by moms. In other words, the boisterous and physical play that they preferred complemented moms’ different forms of play.

The research study also provides support for families where fathers are unable to spend large amounts of times with their kids and for single-parent families. Single moms can propose physical play with young children, or single dads can engage in less physical play, because ultimately, what really matters is varying the type of play that your child engages in to help them develop varied skills.