The Beauty of Interdependence

I believe that there is a strong correlation between early childhood socialization during physical, occupational and speech therapy interventions, and downstream effects on relationships. As a child in occupational therapy, I remember that upon completing a task such as buttoning a sweater, I received positive feedback and acceptance from the therapist. Conversely, when I could not perform the physical task, the acceptance and appreciation of who I was disappeared. This conditional interaction between an adult and a child over the course of years in various medical and therapeutic settings can be devastating.

The Basis of Self Worth

Let’s face it, being able to button your sweater, tie shoelaces or zip your pants is of little significance given the many alternatives. It only becomes significant when it is equated with belonging and worth. My experience during physical, occupational and speech therapy taught me:

I’m not enough as I am.

There is something wrong with me being myself.

Unless I can overcome and perform XYZ, I’m not lovable.

Fast forward fifteen years when I’m an undergraduate, wearing an adorable turquoise corduroy jacket with daunting buttons. I’m barely listening to the professor because I am freezing and struggling to get the buttons into the holes. The humiliation surfaces: would it be OK for me to ask my friend to button my jacket? Would he think less of me?

Ultimately, I go for it. He smiles, quickly buttons my jacket, and tells me “No problem. Anytime.”

Now, I don’t claim to have mind-reading abilities, but I’m pretty sure his opinion of me didn’t change whatsoever upon learning that I needed help buttoning my jacket.

Red Bluff parents Jamie and Austin Statz coached for Special Olympics for years before taking time off to raise their two children, Shad and Stevie. They enjoy time together on outdoor backpacking adventures.

The Strength of Interdependence

What kind of world would it be if we taught children that the way they are is wonderful? What kind of connections could we celebrate if we recognized that the entire world is interdependent and if interdependence were treated as an asset instead of a weakness?

Independence is overvalued by our society but even more so when you have a disability. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure for people with disabilities because we will never measure up, leading to feelings of shame, guilt and inferiority. What we fail to recognize as a society is the beauty and the intimacy that comes from interdependence. When we invite and allow others to support us, there is a mutual exchange of respect, appreciation and love.

Love! Who doesn’t want more love?

The invitation to support one another is an opportunity, not a burden.

How might we evolve as a species if we supported one another physically, emotionally and mentally side by side? How might early childhood experiences of true inclusion and appreciation of diversity impact self-worth and facilitate meaningful relationships throughout life?