How to Talk to A Teacher

A meeting between you and your child’s teacher can be a powerful tool for helping your child succeed in school. Whether scheduled by the school, requested by you, or suggested by the teacher, such a meeting gives you a platform to learn about your child and to assert their needs. You are your child’s strongest advocate and these meetings can be critical to a child’s wellbeing. Follow these guidelines for more productive and  enjoyable parent-teacher conferences.

As your child’s advocate, listening to the teacher and responding to his/her concerns, then introducing the topics you want to cover, lays the ground for a productive conversation centered on your child’s best interest.

1. Have a Goal in Mind and Come Prepared. Write down your questions ahead of time. Bring examples of your child’s work and a record of any challenging behaviors. Consider what you hope to accomplish. Ask yourself ahead of time what a successful outcome looks like, then plan and work toward that goal. Retired teacher of 30 years, Catherine Paine, recommends that parents “come with solutions or additional assistance (tutoring, joining physical activity, taking your child on quiet walks in nature or art classes) that you have you tried or have in mind.”
2. Listen! Then Respond. Let the teacher speak first and listen carefully. Take notes on points for which you need clarification or with which you disagree. Respond to the teacher’s concerns, then introduce topics you want to cover.
3. Ask For Specifics. What is the behavior the teacher is complaining about? At what times and how frequently is it occurring? Ask what an acceptable behavior would look like. What special services are possible for your child? Ask for a timely evaluation if you suspect your child has a learning disability.
4. Be Firm, but Don’t Threaten. You have a rightto assert your point of view but do so with respect and courtesy. Most teachers care about your child’s success. Teachers have legal and ethical reasons why they can’t discuss other children. Information about your child should be kept confidential as well. Respect these practices for everyone’s benefit. If needed, politely ask to bring other experts (school phycologist, reading specialist, administration) but don’t raise your voice or threaten to have the teacher fired. Being nasty will only make it harder to work with the school in the long run.
5. Follow Up. Let the teacher know you are willing to help your child at home. Ask what you can do at home to supplement what is going on in the classroom, then do it.
6. Ask for More Time if Needed. You are entitled to a full discussion and understanding of your child’s progress at school. If the teacher can’t continue right then, set up another appointment at a convenient time.

Welcome the chance to confer with your child’s teacher, whether your child is having problems or not. You and the teacher can help each other to provide the best educational experience possible. Children learn best when everyone agrees on expectations, goals and works together.