Celebrate Mother’s Day Your Way

That one day a year set aside to honor moms seems simple enough, but it can get complicated. Some moms look forward to whatever surprises the family may plan. Other mothers may feel their family isn’t tuned to what they would really like. Mother’s Day can look different for a mom of toddlers than it does for a mom of teens or grown children. What if complicated feelings about moms come up to smack you in the face every year on Mother’s Day?

Knowing that experienced moms have wisdom to share, I asked our North State Parent Magazine team moms to share their favorite Mother’s Day experiences and some helpful tips, and shared my own experience. The first thing we all agreed on is that to have the kind of Mother’s Day you would most enjoy, you need to make your fondest desires for Mother’s Day known to your family.

Let your family know what makes you happy

North State Parent publisher Pamela Newman’s family knows that her garden is her happy place. Pamela says, “When the boys were young, they helped, but their play also dismantled a lot of what I had put together in the garden. Their funny antics, though, captivated me.” But when her boys got older, they came to understand how much the garden meant to their mother. “My favorite Mother’s Day was when, as adults, my four sons gathered to help me put in the summer vegetable garden for the season,” Pamela says. “One early spring day, one of my sons came up with a midday picnic for us all to enjoy after we were hot and dusty from raking and planting. He served iced tea from our own mint and homemade little tacos. Memories of these happy days continue to feed my soul.”

The simple joy of giving can be the greatest gift

Sometimes kids (and dads, who often are the driving force behind Mother’s Day festivities) struggle to find “just the right gift.” But often, just seeing your children’s joy in giving is gift enough. “I feel the most blessed and loved on Mother’s Day when I watch my girls faces as they unveil surprises and gifts,” our social media coordinator and calendar editor, Amber Murray, says. Her favorite Mother’s Day gift was when her husband John gave the girls a white apron and some paints and stencils and left them to decorate. “One of the letters ended up backward and nobody noticed right away — it just makes it that much more special!” Amber says. She appreciates how important it was to them to show their love to her. “It is worth so much more to me than the actual gifts themselves.”

Make a toddler mother’s special day easy

For moms of infants and toddlers, the best Mother’s Day can be a getting a few hours’ break from 24/7 baby care. Dads or mom’s siblings, parents or friends, could offer to take the kids for a few hours or the day and perhaps give mom a ticket to a play or other event to enjoy. For Sarah Kirby, one of our local writers and mom of 3-year-old Fern, Mother’s Day can just be spending the day having fun with her daughter. But when it comes to a special Mother’s Day meal, she says it is definitely NOT fun wrangling a toddler in a restaurant setting. “I love a day in the park with picnic takeout from a local restaurant, where Fern can run free instead of being confined in a highchair in a noisy restaurant.”

Single Moms can set the agenda and a good example for Mother’s Day

Single moms can sometimes find celebrating Mother’s Day in a special way challenging.

As a single mom of two active boys, for me Mother’s Day was not a big celebration when my children were little. The first Mother’s Day after separation from my husband and their father, I was sad and spent the day feeling sorry for myself. After that, I determined to find something fun for all of us to do on Mother’s Day. It was up to me to make it a great day. This was a good example to my sons, who now, as adults, always remember Mother’s Day with very thoughtful gifts.

The gift of gathering as family

Sometimes, as Marilyne Shamansky, our office assistant says, just getting together is gift enough. “I have two sons and four grandsons. I want us altogether,” she says. “Me and six boys!” North State Parent marketing rep and writer, Kate Hiller, also enjoys getting together with her adult children. “These days, the greatest gift is to have all three of our adult children in one place and I was blessed with that last Mother’s Day. Our youngest son flew in that afternoon so he could join in on an off-road adventure. I tried to enjoy every moment—star filled skies, a car filled with laughter on long dirt roads —knowing that time with them is rare and makes for the best Mother’s Day gift ever.”

Creating happy Mother’s Day memories against the odds

For some moms, Mother’s Day comes with unhappy baggage. One of our educational writers, Catherine Vincent Paine, has some good advice for when the dynamics of families of origin threaten to mar or negate a celebratory day. “Mother’s Day brings up many emotions for me, as the meaning of the day has changed over the years,” Catherine says. “I was blessed with a nurturing mother who provided me with a beautiful example of motherhood. She and I remain close and visit or call each other once a week. My husband, however, lost his mom at age 13 and Mother’s Day wasn’t a holiday he enjoyed. We have two wonderful (now adult) children. While I am ever thankful to their preschool and elementary school teachers who thoughtfully assisted them in creating something special to give me for Mother’s Day, once the two children were in high school, this assistance disappeared and so did their awareness of the holiday.”

That was when Catherine decided to own Mother’s Day and mother herself. “I purchased a scarf and every time I wear it, I am reminded of the nurturing I did for myself,” she says. “I also let it remind me to use the same care and concern toward other moms. Mothers should be honored for their positive contributions to their families and society. On this one day of the year, I make sure to reach out to my mom and to other mothers with a card or phone call.” She also makes sure to do something nurturing for herself on that special day.

Whether you’re a mom of small ones, your children are grown or you are part of a chosen family, you can celebrate your nurturing role in a way that brings joy to you and those you love by making your wishes clear to yourself and others, taking care of yourself, whether that’s gathering close or taking some time off – building memories to cherish and feed your soul.