When Gratitude Feels Hard – A Letter to the Parent Who Is Struggling

Friend,

Recently, I stood on the front steps wishing I didn’t have to ring the doorbell. Standing here was enough to make me feel small, less than, not good enough. Did I have to go inside, too?

I shook off my feelings and held my breath. I could hear my friend walking closer to the front door, the knob turned and the door swung open wide.

Yup. It was as bad as I thought it would be. Her house was fantastic and mine was so . . . not.

Have you ever been there?

Maybe not on my friend’s front steps, but in a situation where you couldn’t help but compare your reality to someone else? A situation that left you feeling anything but grateful?

It’s easy to fall into the comparison trap, and easier still for gratitude to slip through our fingers as if it were never there. But practicing gratitude can convey benefits (reduced depression, less anxiety and fatigue, improved sleep and greater resiliency, to name a few, according to health experts) upon those of us going through difficult times and who may need these advantages most.

I know everyone is talking about being thankful right now. But it’s not always that simple, is it?

It all sounds great. It’s easy to want to be grateful. But what about when her house looks so much better than yours? Or when you see the pictures from that other family’s fantastic tropical vacation? Or when she has that great new designer bag and yours is from Walmart?

Or maybe it’s even harder. A sick loved one. A marriage on the brink. A job loss. Infertility.

How can we be grateful then?

Even in the hardest places, there are three things we can do to hold tight to gratitude today.

Sometimes You Fake It

Yup. Sometimes you have to play dress up before you go to the ball. You have to practice before the big game. You have to . . . well, you get the idea. They don’t say fake it until you make it for nothing.

Start here when gratitude seems impossible (even if your teeth are clenched and your fists tight).

It’s OK to Start Basic

I’m talking about really basic — fundamental elements of life basic. Air. Sun. Eyes. Whatever. Pick things that you don’t even think about on a regular basis and be grateful for them. It may feel silly at first, but it’s a start!

Find a Diamond

Look at whatever rough place you’re in and find something you can be grateful for. Standing on my friend’s steps, I could be grateful to have a friend or that I have legs to stand and knock on her door.

Maybe you’re out of work, be grateful you have more time with your family. If you’re in a hospital, be grateful you have access to medical help. Find a diamond in the rough place and hold on tight. If you haven’t done this before (or you’re a little rusty) it may feel awkward. That’s OK. Do it anyway.

The Key to Gratitude

Time has shown me the only key is to start. And if you get off track, start again. Don’t give up on chasing gratitude. Whether you’re living the dream or dreaming to live, you can find it.

Now it’s time to really commit. Grab a pen and a post-it. Write one thing you are grateful for today and put it where you can see it. Just start.

With gratitude,

A Mom Who Knows